Mary Catherine Allen Kuykendall

Mary Catherine Allen Stone Kuykendall

The following was transcribed from hand written notes Aunt Ivah wrote regarding her mother.  It appears to have been written some time in the early 1970's...

“My Mother”

Mary Catherine Allen Kuykendall

by Ivah Kuykendall

Born 1867 – Needs Creek – North of Conway

Died 1961 – January 20 Conway

Buried - Stone Cemetery

Mama was a peace-loving person.  Her strong quality was holding her family and the ones she loved together peacefully.  Such a huge responsibility for such a little woman.

She was a wonderful conversationalist.  I was never ashamed to introduce her to anyone – old or young – because I knew she knew how to carry on a conversation.  When she ran out of something to talk about she asked questions.  Sometimes her questions were a bit personal like “how old are you now?” or “now how old is your mother?  I believe she is about the age of my daughter, Claudia.”  She always said she kept a sore shin because of her direct questions, but that never fazed her.  She always had a quick comeback.  She respected one’s age and thought there was no harm in asking anyone their age and was delighted to tell hers.  No wonder she never looked her age, even at 93 when she passed away.  She said she had to stay young to care for our father who was 11 years her senior.

Mama’s habits were perfect.  Bedtime 9pm, rising 6am.  3 good wholesome meals a day.  Rest after lunch and plenty of outdoor exercise.  That was her recipe for long life.  Of course, very little worry did she have coping with the public.  She was not responsible for making money, paying bills or managing anything but her household affairs.  She had strong convictions about the family as a unit and practical keeping her whole family united.  She accepted every in-law and made them feel as wanted and happy as their mate.  The sweetest and most wonderful thing of all was the way her sons-in-law respected & loved her.  Her daughters-in law felt that they were wanted from the time they became a part of the family.  She could never see any fault in any of them.  Her grandchildren adored her.  She was always first with them.  They never wanted to do anything to displease her.  She would always say she enjoyed them more than her own. Children because she didn’t have to worry about helping to raise them.  She just loved and enjoyed them.  When they got too rowdy for her she sent them home.  Never one time was she ever ill with them.  She never interfered with the discipline the parents gave them, because she always wanted them to be trained properly.

Mama was the best gardener.  She always had something in the garden the year round.  Also, unusual things like rutabaga, asparagus, leek, rhubarb, mushrooms—anything she heard or read about she tried.  She was so generous with everything that grew in her garden.  If people didn’t happen in for her to give she called them or sent to them.

She spent most of her time in the garden. Out early, worked until about 10, brought in the things to be cooked by Hettie.  Rested, worked on her hand work until about 3 or 4 and worked again in her garden.  She followed a pattern.  She was a creature of habit.

Her hands were always busy.  She could blend colors – make the most beautiful quilts - handwork of all kinds, knitted, crochet, embroider or anything anyone else did.  Always making things for her children and grandchildren.

She could cook anything, but her specialty was relishes.  She followed a recipe in a fashion.  She tasted until she felt it was quite right.  No one had better canned things than mama.

Mama showed no favoritism among her & papa’s 10 children.  She treated everyone as individuals, what she did for one she would do likewise for the others.  She did show favoritism toward Hettie, her step daughter, and Oscar her son by her first husband (who caused her many unhappy hours).  She felt real close to both of them.  Hers and Papas children knew & felt this but never resented the feeling she showed toward Hettie.  (They were more like sisters than Mother – Step daughter.)  Hetty loved & respected & protected her.  Mama never showed jealousy toward Hettie.  Many times the children listened and took advice from Hettie maybe because she was always handy.  She did house work – Mama did outside work.

Papa laid the work out before he left for work (sometimes he’d be gone several days, since he was outside manager for a large firm, Frauenthal & Schwartz in Conway).  And Mama saw that it was done.  I always said she worked harder than the children & the hired hand or hands (and there were always hired hands there).  Also, we always had a maid to help in the house, and Hettie was responsible for her.  The maids were more than just a maid, she was treated with love & respect.  She soon learned to love & respect both Hettie and Mama.

Mama took in anyone who needed to go to school or needed a home.  Our home was for everybody, and when one came to our house he or she was made to feel that they belonged.  Some of the people who came to our house to live were:  Frank Mosely, Grover Kuykendall, Ida, Marietta, Claud & Ollie King – Janette Stofer, Buddy Singleton, Dick Budd – Bertie Brown, Barbara Kuykendall.  Effie Rauth, a little girl, came to our house to spend the summer when she was 11 years old, she never went back to the orphanage.  She was in 5^th grade.  She finished High school and went to Vanderbilt studying to be a nurse but didn’t stay because she was not interested in being a nurse and it required a long period of time.  She was treated like the other children.

Now for the negro children she took in and trained and sent to school – James Bell & Rosa Robinson and little Willie.  Rosa wouldn’t go to school, but she was taught everything to do in and around the house.  James was brought to Conway to help take care of the grandchildren in the summer and stayed until he went to service.  He finished high school and went to college (Philander Smith).  James learned to do everything in the house, garden, yard, farm, swimming pool.  Everyone both negro and white loved and respected James.  Now he is in Gary, Indiana, quite well off- owns several large rent houses and worked in steel mills.  His wife was a teacher.  He now owns his own plumbing establishment.  He comes often to see us and calls us his “white family”.  He has 4 children (all with College educations).

Mama loved beauty and she showed it in the way she arranged her designs, yard, garden, house.

Her education was scattering because grandpa could never stay in one place long enough to let the children go to school.  Her IQ was above average.  She read lots of books, newspapers and magazines.  She could spell almost any word and used very good English.  She spent one year in a boarding school at Martinsville but Grandpa had to move to VanBuren and that was the last school she attended.  She had high ambition for her children.  When the eldest children were very small she decided that they must move to Conway where her children could go to school. That they did.  The children had to walk over a mile to school but in rainy bad weather the children were taken to school in a buggy.  She and Papa set aside $100.00 each fall to enter the children in school.  Usually money was made by the whole family, but the children knew we could have new books and things we needed like other children.  She saw that everyone had an opportunity to go to school, had everything they needed to work with and time to study.  Of course, Papa believed in education also but his opportunities as a boy were fewer than Mama’s.

Mama had some very difficult in-laws to deal with, but one would never know what she thought of them.  They were overbearing and jealous of her and her family, but she never failed to help them when she could.  She dearly loved Aunt Esther & Uncle Jim, felt more like they were her children than a sister & brother-in-law.  She never let many days go by that she didn’t see them.  They loved her and respected her.  Aunt Barbara was Papa’s ½ sister a widow with 2 daughters and 2 sons.  She had a hard time.  Mama loved her- would give her the last bite she had.  Not many days went by that mama didn’t see her.  She was different from Mama, but they had so many similar problems that they always enjoyed each other.  Mama always said, “Poor Barbara, she has so much good in her.  I wish she didn’t have such hard times.  Aunt Esther was so different.  She was Mama’s own sister.  She always made everyone feel so good.  She was so kind and sweet.  

“Mother,” that was Papa’s mother, was like Aunt Barbara, she could be the kindest person on earth and sometimes not so kind to the ones who loved her.  But Mama waited on her like a slave.  Papa adored “Mother” and Mama never did anything that would have made Papa unhappy, if she knew it.  

I have never seen such devotion in two people as Papa and Mama.  They were so congenial and thoughtful of each other.  Papa had great respect, love and devotion for her.  Thought no one ever could beat her doing anything.  When he drove up on the hill he wanted “your Mama” and never fear, she was there.  She laid all her outside work aside and gave him all her attention.  She adored and worshiped him.  Of course, she had all her children feeling the same about him.  She hardly ever threatened us with him.  She wanted everything to be in working in order, quiet and peaceful because “your father will be tired and worn out when he gets home.”  She gave him the best of everything—the first strawberries, butter (when it was scarce) anything he liked was saved for Papa.  When he came home they sat in their living room and he told her his experiences and she in turn told him everything that happened.  The children scampered out until they were through talking.  She usually bragged on each child to him and one could feel the warmth in his heart toward them.  He was always bringing her something unusual for the garden or yard.  She loved that.  Sometimes he would bring her a pretty piece of material he had found on his rounds.  Many times, he would take her with him when he thought the trip was not too tiresome for her or when he was going to be where some of hers or his relatives (and many there were) lived.  Hettie was always there to look after the children.

Mama always gave the feeling to her children that there was safety when she was there.  So many children but yet she never neglected giving them that feeling.

All young people liked mama because she was not critical of them.  She could talk with them about things they were interested in.

Mama never travelled far distances.  I’m sure she would have loved to go and see many places but no one else in the family in those days travelled much.  She just lived in her world around her and made it beautiful.

Mama loved jewelry, bows, ribbons, etc.  She always wore some kind of pen on her dress.  She hardly ever weighed more than 100 or 110.  Her little dresses looked so neat and petite on her.  Hettie always made them, and she knew what mama liked so she put the little frills on them.

She dearly loved her grandchildren.  She always said her own children she was always so busy helping to make a living for them and felt so responsible for their welfare, but her grand children she could love and enjoy and let their parents be responsible for their wellbeing.  All her grandchildren adored her.  She felt the same way about her great grandchildren.  She could never see any fault with any of them.  They treated “Nanny” (that’s what they called her) like she was one of them.  She had 8 grand daughters and one grandson.  Elizabeth & Bill Keller’s 4 girls, Marian, Sara Jane, Virginia Ann and Marjorie, Ella and Freeman Key’s 2 daughters Amy Ruth and Bobbie, Bob and Emmadean Kuykendall’s one daughter Ann and one son Bob Allen.  Mark and Ruth Kuykendall’s one daughter Mary Elizabeth. 

Now for great grandchildren.  “What a big glorious family,” she always said.

Harry and Marian LaFoe’s 2 sons, Edward & Bill

Sara Jane and “Pard” Castleman’s 3 boys, Randy, Tom and Vann

Virginia Ann and Bob Barton’s 3 sons, Chuck, Jeffrey, and Scotty and one daughter, Missy

Marjorie & McGinty McBride’s 2 daughters, Beth and Annie Lou, and 3 sons, Buddy, Keller & John

Ann and Bobby Parker’s one son, Rob and one daughter Carolyn

Travis and Mary Elizabeth Thompson’s one daughter Dawn

Amy and Bill Rudd’s 2 daughters, Judy & Beth and one son, Billy

There was something about Mama that made all the children want to come home on holidays and her birthday.  She would start days ahead getting ready for them.  Everybody had plenty to eat.  Special dishes for each. She always remembered what each liked.  There was always a good clean bed waiting no matter how many come.

Mama loved her neighbors.  She didn’t get to visit them much, only over the fence or telephone.  She never let anyone come to her house without going home loaded down with all kinds of vegetables or flowers.  Sometimes I would say “Mama you gave them all there was” and she’d say, “never mind, there will be more in time.”  I always wondered why everything she planted grew & produced so much.

Mama dearly loved to fish.  She would sit for hours in one place and while others were running up and down the bank she would catch the fish (always using those squirming worms).  It never made any difference how busy she was in the garden or yard.  Just mention fishing and out she went to dig worms.  Sometimes we went to Beaver Ford each P.M.  It was fun to watch her and Aunt Ester sitting quietly, talking very low and fishing for hours.

I guess the cutest thing she did was wearing her bonnets (she had many bonnets of every description).  She said they shaded her eyes.  Sometimes you could hardly see that little face of hers, snuggled in that little bonnet.

Mama never had but one bad habit according to me (she used snuff) but one would have to be a very observing person to see her using it.  She was very neat and clean with it.  It always fell my duty to buy it for her and oh how I hated it.  It embarrassed me to have to ask for it and usually Mr. Neal the Groceryman would see me looking in that direction and he knew-- so when I got home there it was.  She never told me when she was out.  I knew though because she seemed nervous.  The bottle or snuff can always sat on the mantle.

My mother never believed in telling a story for anyone.  Sometimes we would want her to tell someone we were not home or some other little discrete lie but she wouldn’t.  When someone from the store where Papa worked called for Papa (even if he was supposed to be at the business), she would not story for him.  She said she couldn’t make herself misrepresent.  That was one of the traits I admired in her.

When Mama’s children were in public school, she always stood behind their teacher.  She never allowed the children to come home with tales about their teachers.  They did not have PTA’s in those days. It was called S.I.A.  About every three months they had a money-making project.  Many didn’t have time to go but she always sent something for them to sell.  Usually a big fat hen, or turkey or such.

Mama was always concerned when any of her children were sick.  She couldn’t do enough for them.  Her little hands were rough from her garden and yard work but they would feel so good and gentle when she rubbed our heads or held our wrists to see if we had fever.  Always helped to get us well quicker.

Mama always had money for little things she wanted extra.  Usually the chicken kept her in money and she was so generous even begged us to take what we needed when we ran out of money ourselves.

One thing my mother never did was play games. She didn’t mind her children playing games- even buying them when we wanted to but she would do her hand work instead.